


(it's hopeless, hopeless, just hopeless) i love you more than i can bear

by KoSaysFuckOff



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everything is normal they just happen to be soulmates, M/M, One Shot, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Soulmates, this has been in my drafts for waaaay too long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoSaysFuckOff/pseuds/KoSaysFuckOff
Summary: Zuko had long given up searching for his soulmate, having grown accustom to the gray that made up his world. His only mission now, was to find the Avatar and restore his honour.So of course, the universe decided to play some sick joke on him.
Relationships: Aang & Katara (Avatar), Aang/Zuko (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 123





	(it's hopeless, hopeless, just hopeless) i love you more than i can bear

Aang had been told that regardless of color, he could still see the world in its crisp beauty. Color was just a friend to nature. That's what the other monks told him, but Monk Gyatso was more honest, he never tried to make Aang feel better for not finding his soulmate yet.

"Colors only come from love, and love is undeniably beautiful." He'd said, and Aang believed him. Aang had never seen Gyatso's soulmate, but he knew he had one, it's just that the monk never mentioned them. Aang was told later by another student that Gyatso's soulmate rejected him and had left him.

Aang wishes he could have asked Monk Gyatso about his soulmate before he tried to run away. He really does.

~~

A burst of light in a perfect line cut through the dull grey sky—the Avatar, it _must_ be the Avatar. Zuko couldn't afford to search helplessly for that old man any longer. Muttering words of relief, he turned to his uncle.

"Uncle!" His snaps, and his uncle sighs. "Do you know what this means?"

"I won't be able to finish my game?"

"It means my search; it's about to come to an end."

Another tired sigh, they'd been through this many times before, and each time Zuko felt less and less sure. He couldn't show that to his uncle though. He couldn't accept defeat. He tried to explain why that light means the Avatar was there, but Uncle Iroh cut him off.

"Searching for the Avatar isn't bringing you happiness, Prince Zuko." Iroh said, using his title—Prince Zuko—the title that he was no longer quite sure he even had the right to use after being exiled.

"I'll never be happy until I capture the Avatar and return home." Zuko said adamantly. He was going to catch the avatar. He didn't know what he'd do if he couldn't.

~~

Great. This was just wonderful. Sokka and Katara were going to die and here he was, captured and unarmed.

Oh. He did have frogs though. Freezing cold frogs he stuffed down his yellow shirt. They would thaw soon, and Sokka and Katara would be done for. As he struggled with the chains around his hands, Commander Zhao came in.

"So _this_ is the Avatar huh? Master of all four elements." What he said wasn't very derogatory, but the way he said it was condescending. Aang still shook his chains. He was going to _escape_. "I don't know how you managed to allude the fire nation for a 100 years," He went on, monologuing mostly to himself, "But your little game of hide-and-seek is over." He mocked.

"I've never hidden from you." Aang said angrily. "Untie me and I'll fight you right now!" He said boldly. He just had to fight Zhao, and leave. Easy as that.

"Uhhh, no." Zhao said, ruining Aang's plan right there. "Tell me, how does it feel to be the only airbender left?" He taunted. "Do you _miss_ your people?"

The spurt of anger from earlier vanished. How could he even save Sokka and Katara when he's the reason his entire _culture_ got wiped out. He _had_ to escape. He was the last airbender.

Right as Zhao was about to leave after telling him what he wanted to do with the younger boy, Aang sucked in his breath, and threw him against the wall. He was glad that none of these fire nation people knew how to chain up airbenders.

"Blow all the winds you want. Your situation is futile." Zhao said, rubbing his head as he got up. "There is no escaping this fortress. And _no one_ is coming to rescue you." He could hear the grin on the General's face, and his words bounced around Aang's head as the door slammed shut.

After a while of struggling though, Zhao's words seemed like a lie. The frogs had escaped, and Aang started to hear commotion outside. Maybe Sokka and Katara managed to get better and came to rescue him? Or it could be the Kyoshi warriors, maybe they somehow found out about his situation. Or maybe he's just growing more and more desperate…

He heard the door get unlocked, and it slowly swung open to reveal a person in a plain dark top and pants. Similar to the fire nation shades, Aang realized. They wore a mask that reminded Aang of a dragon, and Aang felt like he'd seen the mask before, not too long ago—although, in Aang's case, not too long ago was a hundred years ago.

Aang gasped as the person in the mask pulled out two swords and swung them around, maybe they were here to execute him. A fast death would be nice, but selfish, but he couldn't afford to die. If they weren't trying to kill him, Aang would've complimented how gracefully they swirled the sword. Aang screamed as they got closer and closer and then—cut off his chains?

They started to walk away after slicing his cuffs off, "Who are you? What's going on?" Aang asked. Maybe he was wrong and the clothes that he thought was fire nation red were actually dark green. "Are you here to rescue me?" He asked a little too hopefully.

The masked man opened the door, and motioned Aang to follow. Could he not talk, or was he very secretive? Following the masked man, Aang remembered where he saw the mask before, Bumi had shown him that mask before, outside of a theatre. It was based off of some old play, a Blue Spirit mask. Aang turned when he heard the croaking of the frogs.

He tried to catch them quickly, but the Blue Spirit grabbed the edge to Aang's cape and dragged him away from it. The Blue Spirit was definitely a no-contact kind of guy, judging by how careful they were not to touch him. Aang and the Blue Spirit snuck past the guards and were halfway up the wall when the alarms went off, and a guard pointed them out. The rope they were climbing got cut off, and Aang quickly made a bubble of air to cushion the fall. He couldn't possibly get the Blue Spirit hurt after being rescued by them. They took off, and Aang could hear Zhao shouting orders.

"Stay close to me!" Aang said, running ahead of the Blue Spirit. They needed each other. This would be hard to get out of on their own. The gates were closing in the distance as Aang pushed the guards away with his bending. He turned back to see the Blue Spirit fighting two soldiers at once, his movements flowing together like water but sharp and relentless like fire. The gates were going to close, and he couldn't leave the Blue Spirit there like that. A soldier tried to attack Aang with a spear, and Aang blows it away, snapping of the spearhead to use it as a makeshift staff.

Aang ran in to help the Blue Spirit fight off the soldiers that had surrounded them, and then Aang gave him a lift up to and then Aang gave him a lift up to the top of the wall, and right as the Blue Spirt was about to get surrounded, Aang used more airbending to get them both out of there.

Both of them each use a ladder to try and alternate them as they went across the wall, but a soldier sets it on fire and they land flat onto the floor. They were hit with fire, but Aang bent a barrier between them and the fire. He wasn't sure if the Blue Spirit was a bender, and he wasn't planning on taking any chances.

"Hold your fire!" Zhao's voice boomed. "The Avatar must be captured _alive_."

There was a millisecond of silence, and then the Blue Spirit grabbed Aang and pushed him against his chest, his dual swords at a cross on his neck. Right then, with the Blue Spirits hard chest—a man, he must be male, Aang felt no softness on his chest. In fact, it's hardness suggested muscle underneath, and Aang felt his face go hot with the realization—behind Aang's, the world came to life.

The first thing that caught his eye was the fire. Why did no one tell him that fire was so beautiful? That it wasn't _just_ 'red', because there's no way that's _just_ a single color. Fire had a million hues he couldn't quite name. It was dark, but the way the light bounced off of the soldiers, the way it reflected on the Blue Spirit's swords, was beautiful. He gasped, and heard the Blue Spirit's breathing get heavy. He could feel the his heart pound at the realization.

The Blue Spirit was his soulmate.

Zhao let the pair of soulmates go, he couldn't let the Avatar die. The Blue Spirit still had his swords at Aang's throat as they walked away, clearly afraid that they may try something. Aang felt the Blue Spirit's presence near his ear.

"When I let go, run." He whispered, his voice seemed low, but it felt like he was faking it. Something felt deliberately about his voice, yet so eerily familiar.

"I'm Aang. Who are you?" Aang asked, his voice so quiet that he wasn't sure the Blue Spirit could hear it.

The Blue Spirit didn't answer, putting down his swords instead. "Run." He said again, and Aang obeyed his orders. When Aang looked back to see if his soulmate were okay, there was no one there. The Blue Spirit was long gone, and the only thing that proved his existence was the world of color he'd abandoned Aang in.

~~

Zuko didn't know how to feel about Aang being his soulmate. He didn't even realize the avatar had a name before Aang introduced himself. It made sense, of course. Aang was a person too, as well as being the Avatar. He just… didn't think it would matter. Zuko tried to calm his breath. What was he going to do? He couldn't possibly _stop_ chasing the avatar. He couldn't let the fire nation or his father down. He would never be able to restore his honour without capturing the avatar. Yet every time he tried to come to terms with killing his soulmate he'd see the bright yellow flowers uncle had kept in his room and he'd wonder if killing Aang was worth turning his world bleak. Would killing Aang kill him as well? Or would he be forced to stay alive as the Avatar reincarnated, forced to forever chase his soulmate?

He needed to stop thinking about this, he decided, getting out of his cabin. He got back late, and the moon had long risen half-way past the horizon. "It seems you too cannot sleep tonight, Zuko." Iroh said, the wind just barely carrying his voice.

"Leave me alone." Zuko didn't mean to sound harsh, but his words came out like knives anyways. A small, meek part of him hated his anger, it was ugly and harmful, like fire. Not that uncle ever cared. He was always patient with Zuko, a virtue Zuko hated.

"If you wanted to be alone, then why would you come out here?" Uncle Iroh pointed out, staring wistfully at the stars.

Zuko felt strangely calm too. Maybe it was all the new colors he was seeing, the blue of the ocean, the silver of the moon. "Maybe I just wanted a breath of fresh air."

"That's very unlike you, Prince Zuko." Zuko could feel Iroh's presence next to him, calm and warm like the last embers of a campfire. Zuko knew Iroh was a general once, a man of war, who was so very close to bring honour to his nation. He remembered peeking in on a war meeting with Lu Ten, and seeing how different Iroh was in his prime. He liked this Iroh better, he was far more cozy than the general he had once seen. 

"What would you know anyways, you're just a lazy old man." Zuko said, trying to avoid having to tell his uncle about Aang. He knew his uncle would say something strange that Zuko wouldn't be able to understand.

"Whatever you say." 

They were silent for a second, before Zuko broke through the silence. "…did you have a soulmate, uncle?" He didn't want Iroh to know, but he also wanted Iroh to know. It was weird.

"No, but that does not mean I am unable to answer your questions."

"Did-" Zuko caught himself, no, he shouldn't ask about his cousin.

"Lu Ten had one, if that's what you were going to ask." Uncle Iroh smiled. How could he smile, when his son's death was what lead to his throne being taken from him?

"Sorry for making you remember that." Zuko apologized.

"Why would I not want to remember my son?"

"…" Of course. Uncle Iroh was strange, but wise, so very wise. If only Zuko understood what he was saying. "Did he ever find them?"

"Yes, he was an Earth kingdom boy from Ba Sang Se. Lu Ten told me in a letter that his world came to life before his eyes that day." Zuko understood how that felt, at least. When Aang's back pressed up against him, the world seemed to explode with color. The only thing left grey were Aang's eyes, which seemed to haunt Zuko's thoughts now. He couldn't quite tell if he liked the feeling or not. 

"Did you ever meet him?"

"No. His name is apparently Lee, but there are a million Lees in the world." Uncle Iroh smiled like he was saying an inside joke and Zuko wondered if he should laugh or not. He didn't.

"Wasn't Lu Ten supposed to invade Lee's home, though?" Zuko asked, turning back to face the sea again.

"Yes. I have no idea what he was going to do about it." Uncle shook his head, then turned to the young boy with a cheeky smile. "Why so much interest, Prince Zuko? You always seemed much more interested in catching the Avatar and didn't care about finding your soulmate."

"I-" Zuko couldn't lie, not to his uncle. "I found both." It felt nice saying it. He wouldn't have told his uncle in any other circumstance, but here, seeing just how blue the sea was and just how the lanterns made Iroh's eyes seem like the oddest shade of gold, maybe not even gold. A color he'd never known, never heard of. A color he hadn't had the oppurtunity to see if it wasn't for Aang. 

"Oh." Uncle Iroh's eyes widened.

"Yeah."

Uncle smiled, and his smile was almost as bright as all the stars in the sky. "That's wonderful, Prince Zuko. What are the chances that you found your soulmate so early in life?"

"Uncle, I have to capture him. I'll have to take him back to the fire nation." Zuko felt his voice crack. He shouldn't cry, uncle will start to pity him. He doesn't need pity. 

"Says who?"

"Without capturing the avatar, my hon-"

Uncle Iroh cut him off. "Prince Zuko, are you aware of what happens after meeting your soulmate?"

"Uh, you see in color?" Nobody really cared about soulmates these days, especially not Zuko.

"You've formed a bond with the Avatar. Any time you get hurt, he feels the pain. If he dies, so do you. What are you going to do about it?" It was one of the few times Iroh felt like a war veteran, like a man meant to be a lord. Although if given the chance now, Iroh would deny it.

"Nothing that I haven't already done."

"You won't stop trying to capture the avatar and please your father?"

"I can't afford to stop."

~~

"Uh, sorry guys, I've got some research on my own to do really quickly." Aang said, quickly hurrying after Wan Shi Tong. He hadn't expected to actually find the great library in the desert, but since he was here, he might as well try to do some research on the Blue Spirit.

When they were far enough away from the others, Wan Shi Tong stopped, and turned his head 360 degrees. "Why do humans feel the need to hide things from their own kind?" The library may be a little creepy, but the giant owl just made it so much worse.

"I-" Aang felt his face flush, "I feel silly asking about something like that in front of them." he rubbed the back of his neck. Only Toph knew that he was still hung up on who the Blue Spirit was. It's not like he could've lied to her. "Can you tell me anything about a 'Blue Spirit mask'? Or any books on it?"

"Follow me." The large owl sighed, and it led him to a section full of various playscripts. The owl pulled out a maroon and gold book, with a gorgeous insignia reading 'Love Amongst the Dragons: the History Behind this Famous Play'. "I hope you find what you want in here. There are others on that shelf as well." Wan Shi Tong said, raising his giant wings and taking off. Aang silently wondered how the wind didn't make all the books fly off their shelves as he flew away.

Opening up the book, Aang quickly scanned the contents page, before flipping to the section titled 'Iconic Costumes and the People Behind Them'. The first picture was the same mask that appeared relentlessly in Aang's dreams. It seemed much more vivid in the picture. Aang wondered how it would look if he was touching the Blue Spirit himself—he'd been told that all colors seem brighter then, and he remembered being mesmerized by the fire when he was pushed up against the Blue Spirit's warm chest.

The soreness and pain from whatever the Blue Spirit had been doing was also slowly fading. Aang was glad. He didn't want his soulmate to get hurt, whoever they were. 

Aang tried to focus on the book again. Apparently the mask was used by whoever was playing the 'Dark Water Spirit'—but the mask got so popular outside of the play that it started being called the Blue Spirit mask. Nobody could quite decide on who designed the original. Aang wondered why his soulmate used this mask in particular. Did they have some sort of connection to the play? Did they choose the mask of the evil Dark Water Spirit because they see themselves as a villain? Or maybe it was just the easiest to get at the time.

The only interesting fact he got from further reading the book was that Fire Lord Ozai's wife, Ursa, had played as the 'Dragon Empress' quite a few times before marrying the Fire Lord. Ursa. That must be Zuko's mother, Aang realised. He wondered if Zuko had an interest for plays. He doubted it. Zuko had always seemed more interested in capturing him, and waving his swords around majestically, swirling them around as if they were dancing with one another.

Wait. Zuko always wielded two broadswords—just like the Blue Spirit. His mother had been an actress in the same play. It would even explain his words back in the cave: "My uncle says you give me hope. But all you've ever brought on me was pain.", he wasn't being poetic, he was being blunt. It even explained how the Blue Spirit knew where Aang was. 

But why would _Zuko_ help him, of all people?

~~

Aang was here. Aang was here to save him with uncle. Well, saving Katara was probably why he was _actually_ here, but still, a boy can dream, right?

"Uncle, I don't understand. What are you doing with the Avatar?" Zuko asked. No, no, no, he shouldn't be _happy_ that Aang is here, he should be mad. Or should he be happy to capture him? Or is he not going to capture him? He didn't know anymore. He felt his head throb with confusion, and Aang stepped forward. Right, Aang must be feeling his headache. Shit.

"I came to save you two." Aang held up a hand to Zuko's head. It was barely a brush of his finger to the side of Zuko's head, but that single touch seemed to bring the whole cave to life, every crack of color shining from the crystals seemed brighter in the most gentlest hues, and arrow on Aang's head seemed a little more blue. Zuko silently wished that Aang wouldn't let go of him, and that he could always be touching him. Being with him brought life to Zuko's world.

The Avatar really was Zuko's hope.

"I'll leave you two alone." Iroh teased, "But keep this in mind, Zuko: You are stronger and wiser and freer than you have ever been. And now you have come to the crossroads of your destiny." right as he was about to walk away, he became encased in crystals.

"I expected this kind of treachery from Uncle, but Zuko, _Prince_ Zuko, you're a lot of things, but you're not a traitor, are you?" Azula's voice seemed colder now that Aang had pulled his hand back. Zuko wanted to grab his hand and pull it back, to at least feel his touch while facing Azula, but he decided not to. He didn't want to come off as desperate or anything. "And what's this, the Avatar? Why is he not tied up, Zuzu? Have you gone _soft_?"

"Release him immediately." He hated the feeling of Azula's eyes—he'd mistaken them to be yellow before but now know all too well is gold—like coins glimmering at the bottom of a well—scanning him and Aang.

"It's not too late for you Zuko, you can still redeem yourself."

"The kind of redemption she offers is not for you." Uncle warned Zuko.

"Why don't you let _him_ decide, Uncle? I need you, Zuko. I've plotted every move of this day, this glorious day in Fire Nation history, and the only way we win is together. At the end of this day, you will have your honour back. You will have Father's love. You will have everything you want." Azula said, her words seeming sweet, too sweet. Like medicine.

"Zuko, I am begging you. Look into your heart and see what it is that you truly want." What did he want? Zuko had no idea what he wanted. He wanted to get his honour back, to be noticed by his father. He wanted to run away with Aang, but if he did, his father would only find them once more, and his treachery won't be forgiven.

"Zuko, you are free to choose. But, he isn't." Azula pointed at Aang, and just as she was about to shoot him, Zuko used his fire whips on her.

"Run." Zuko said again. It seemed like every time they were on the same side, Aang always ended up running away from him.

"Come with me." Aang pleaded. Zuko wanted to go. But he couldn't. Not with his father's approval so within reach. Giving Aang this head start was treachery enough, he couldn't push it. 

"Run or I'll shoot you myself." Zuko's voice had started to crack and he felt his chest ache. Or was it Aang's chest that was aching? He couldn't quite tell. It seemed like the more he started to care for the Avatar the stronger their connection became.   


"I'll be waiting for you." Aang said, and he was gone. Just like that.

~~

"Katara, a moment please." Aang pulled her into a random room in the ship, still conscious about his now not-bald (hairy?) scalp. He still felt a little drowsy from waking up after who-knows-how-long.

"What?" Katara asked, pushing some of her long hair behind her shoulder.

"Where's Zuko?" He asked. Aang had just woken up and he hadn't seen the prince anywhere.

"He turned to Azula's side. Even after all that talk about his mother." Katara scowled. "What's up with you by the way?" She asked, sounding pretty concerned.

Aang bit his lower lip. Maybe he should have told them back at the library. "Zuko's the Blue Spirit. Also my soulmate." Aang explained.

" _What_?" Katara whisper-screamed.

"Sorry." 

"And you didn't tell us?" Katara asked, not as loudly but just as aggressively.

"I didn't think it was important." Aang said. That and he wasn't sure himself until the cave.

"Well it is. What else have you not been telling us?" Katara furrowed her eyebrows.

"Nothing else." Aang assured her. "Oh, and Zuko knows I'm alive. And maybe anyone else who knows I'm Zuko's soulmate." He realized half a second later.

"How?"

"We're soulmates? If I die so does he. I thought that was common knowledge."

"Last waterbender in the tribe, remember? Nobody even _realized_ I was color blind until someone pointed out that I might have a soulmate." She reminded him a little saltily. He wondered why Katara was so cranky today. Maybe it had something to do with the whole not-telling-her-about-Zuko thing. "Nevermind that. What are we going to do about Zuko?"

"Maybe he didn't tell anyone?" Aang said hopefully.

"But if someone happens to kill him, or even if someone else realizes who his soulmate is—"

"He can defend himself. And I doubt that he would tell anyone." Aang cut her off, too scared to hear what else she would say. He'd been avoiding the thought since he woke up.

"Why do you believe in him so much?" Katara's face softened.

"Because he's my soulmate. No matter what I do, it always comes back to him." 

"Just because he's your soulmate doesn't mean you owe him anything."

"You seem awfully salty about all this soulmate stuff."

"... oh forget it."

~~

Fire lord Ozai felt more like a fire lord than a father when Zuko entered the throne room. Then again, he couldn't remember a time where he had ever felt like a father.

"Prince Zuko, what are you doing here?" Ozai said, his voice booming in the halls.

"I'm here to tell the truth." He wasn't sure where this sudden courage came from, but he was glad it was there. He couldn't get hurt here, it might ruin Aang's mission.

"Telling the truth in the middle of an eclipse. This should be interesting." The fire lord said, motioning the guards to leave. He seemed rather amused, and Zuko was excited to wipe that smirk off his face.

"First of all, in Ba Sing Se, it was Azula who took down the Avatar. Not me." Zuko confessed.

"Why would she lie to me about that?"

"Because the Avatar's not dead. He survived, and my beating heart is proof of it."

"What?"

"In fact. He's probably leading this invasion, and he's not been hurt what so ever yet."

"Get out! Get out of my sight right now if you know what's good for you!" His father yelled, getting up abruptly.

"That's another thing, I'm not taking orders from you anymore."

"You _will_ obey me, or this defiant breath will be your last!"

Zuko pulled out his swords, "Think again. I am going to speak my mind and you are going to listen." Uncle was right. This was the strongest, wisest, and most free he's felt his whole life.

Zuko went on, talking about the cruelty he'd felt. He told him Uncle Iroh was twice the father he ever was, and his father told him about his mother—and that she might still be alive. Ozai tried to electrocute him, but Zuko redirected the lightning, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he glared at his father. "I've been waiting to use that move ever since I felt the lightning rack Aang's body." he said, even though the Fire Lord couldn't hear it.

Now he just had to track down the Avatar again.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, the title is from Baka Mitai. there was another scene at the end originally but i ended up getting stuck on it for way too long so take this instead.


End file.
